I was gonna make this a Publish or Perish post, but then I didn\’t. It seemed like the right time, looking back at my previous entries and seeing them all spaced about a month apart.
But I\’ve also been putting off making another post, because I\’ve realized that I\’m still figuring out my approach to public journaling (what I would collectively call talking about your life on any sort of social media outlet or blog). I don\’t particularly like social media, though I mean that in the least-aggressive way possible (as in, not saying with a tone of voice that implies anyone who does is somehow inferior; do your own thing that makes you happy. It does not make me happy). My personality and lifestyle just doesn\’t mesh with public journaling in the same way that some other people just naturally synergize with it. Even something as professional-facing as a progress blog for my publishing journey has become anxiety-inducing.
Given that my major life goals involve being a person who produces neat creative stuff, I keep pushing myself to figure it out. But maybe doing this long-term requires more in the way of adaptation and compromise; doing it in a way that works uniquely for me. I\’m not sure what that\’s gonna look like yet. But if this conviction holds true, you may be seeing some different types of posts on this site in the future; some probably similar to this one, others way different. Maybe I\’ll make a post entirely in haiku. You can\’t predict this shit.
Part of the damper on my motivation is the knowledge that literally no one is reading this right now, and it\’s unlikely that anyone will end up digging through the archives to find it. But I\’m trying to be more okay with that; this blank splotch on the internet that I\’m renting requires some content. I\’m still interested in chronicling my publication process, but due to the uncertain nature of each step, I always find myself hesitating in blogging about the process as it is happening; I\’m afraid of writing something that might get negated by events later on, and end up making whatever I said before look like the fool words of a fool worder. Ultimately this particular project isn\’t really for me, I\’d like to do it for anyone else who ends up in my shoes further down the line, and maybe stumbles onto this site and finds some useful info in these posts. And then has to read through this one, just complaining about all the other posts. Sorry \’bout that.
Ideally, I\’ll find a process that works for me better, and that will encourage me to start posting more. I\’ll at least try to get another piece out before the end of January for starters.
oh also happy new decade or whatever.
— Nagi